Why She Loves a Jackass

I've dated three women recently who were hopelessly hung up on their exes. They couldn't see having the same intimacy with someone different. Usually, the Jackass serves a very important purpose. Example:

Sandy loved her ex-boyfriend Mike. They had been together about eight years. He regularly cheated on her and emotionally abused her so badly that she spent at least three nights a week crying her heart out. This created a powerful (yet dysfunctional) bond between her and Mike.  In addition, Sandy formed a much closer bond with her friend Carla.  When she finally stopped dating Mike, she assumed all men were bad and continued dating bad men. After two years of being used and abused, she finally allowed herself to date a good and decent man. She was happier and felt loved and content, but the fear and anger (things she came to enjoy over the years) was missing. Also, her friendship with Carla had taken a big hit. 

Sandy had become addicted to the abusive and unhappy relationship, and also to the constant comfort of her friend.  When a decent man came along, there was no drama and no pain, so not only did she lose the key part of her relationship with Carla, she also lost what she most enjoyed about men.

Sandy's story is very typical, and it is part of the reason most women worship the Jackasses out there. They adore bad men, and find good men boring.  Perhaps most men are dishonest and abusive players, but an equal number of women are lifelong slaves to the worst men.  It's reality, but it doesn't make dating or marriage very easy for decent guys. 

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