Romantic and Silly Women

I got a lot of feedback on the last post, most of it from women and all of it saying the same things. Many women tell me that they were "forced" into being promiscuous because of peer pressure. "There is tremendous peer pressure to sleep around", they say. It starts in the last year of high school and is very powerful in college.  Many women don't want to be sluts, but they find they have one sex partner after another, after another, after another...

Then something interesting happens. They find a guy they really bond with for some reason. They might really like his face, or some other body part, or general manner, or money, or family, etc. This one special Mr. Wonderful type guy really rings their bells and they feel this is a a soul mate. 

Of course, it rarely works out and they have this lost love in their past. No guy can ever measure up to that one special guy - who is usually very ordinary, but they have fixated for some reason.

I've dated lots of these women, and they always sleep with me in the first three weeks. They want so desperately to be loved, so it's a mix of emotions when they find themselves becoming attached to me while still yearning for their Mr. Wonderful.  This is where the tragic reality comes in; they want to be loved, but they feel honor-bound and emotionally locked into the Mr. Wonderful from the past. It doesn't matter if he is dead, married, drunk, gay, whatever. 

The Time of Confusion is what I call it. They still really love Mike, Greg, Paul, Rick, or whoever, but they are starting to get involved with the new guy. This is the time to break up.  I've broken up with at least five women at this stage. It hurts them, but it preserves their dignity and honor. They still have the last man; it doesn't matter if they lose a really good man or someone who really loves them, they still have Mr. Wonderful.

It's interesting to realize what this does. It gives you a legitimate out while giving her all the respect in the world. She wants to be with you, but she could NEVER give up the wonderful memories and possible reconnection to the special perfect someone. 

To give you an example, I've been in a great relationship with a woman who simply adores me. The sex is great - she can't have children, so no protection and she cooks for me and gives me massages, etc.  I couldn't be happier. Still, there are many women like this that want to be with me, so I don't place too high of a value on it.  She is starting to really fall for me, but there is a boyfriend on the back burner; a guy she almost married and simply adores.  Even though nobody thinks they will get back together, I always plant small seeds of possibility in her mind. On night we were walking and I asked if she would ever marry me. She said "Well, you know, marriage is the leading cause of divorce."  I paused and said, "It's funny, we are so happy together but you'd never marry me.  Mark treated you like dog shit and you were engaged and about to get married last year."  She paused and we moved on to other topics. 

I very softly reminded her of the depth of commitment she had with Mark, despite it being an unhappy relationship.  At the same time, I confirmed that she would never commit to me.  Here and there she mentions him and I let her talk.  When I break things off - in about two weeks, she will be very upset, but she knows that Mark is available.  Despite the abuse and the pain, they were engaged, and he is still on her mind.  I've had my fun; I enjoyed her - emotionally and physically, and now it's time to give her back to Mark. He will be so happy to have her back that he'll behave for a while before he starts emotionally ripping her apart.  She'll be back where she is comfortable.

And the cycle repeats.  I move on to the next one, stay through the Time of Confusion, then move on.  You have to do this gently and plan ahead.  In one relationship a few years ago, I stayed through the Time of Confusion and the girl got really, really, really hurt; BUT, she did admit she was still hung up on her previous boyfriend.  Stay, have fun, enjoy; when they start to fall for you, remind them very deftly of the love they once had. Let them talk their hearts out about these wonderful guys who care nothing for them.  Then move on.  They'll remember you in a positive light, and the possibility of being with their true love is still alive.  Everyone wins.