Elise

Just this summer I was dating a Real Estate agent named Elise. She was very average; beautiful face, but not a Miss Universe or anything. We got drunk on our first date; Spanish food and Chianti. We went back to my place and continued drinking wine. We watched a DVD of the movie Serenity and started making out on the sofa. Before we were half into the movie, we were back in the bedroom going at it. The next few weeks were incredible fun. We went out, drank and messed around. Once I met her at her office and she asked me to put my fingers inside of her right there at work. Crazy, right?

So, after we'd been the hot new couple in town for a few weeks, she tells me she is going away for the weekend to ride horses with friends. Well, I knew a coworker of hers from a long time ago. After she left on her trip, I called him and asked what was up. Apparently, there were no horses on this trip. She was going to have a weekend away with her ex-boyfriend CJ. I didn't call her or make any plans.

When she got back, I asked her to do favor after favor for me. She took my dog to the vet for me - and paid for his shots; she bought me some shirts at JCrew and even brought me lunch at work. After about two weeks of this, she got a little testy with me and called me up. She said we didn't have any time together and she didn't want to run errands for me anymore. Most importantly, she was interested in having sex again.

"But I can't do that." I said. Without missing a beat, she says "why not?"

I told her I knew she had sneaked away to sleep with CJ so I wasn't about to sleep with her again. She was humiliated. A woman getting caught screwing around is the most scared creature in the world. We pretty much broke up at that point, but she tried over and over to get back with me, saying the whole thing with CJ was a big mistake.

You can't trust women these days. Just enjoy them if you know they are safe, but always watch out for signs of cheating and be aware that women love to screw around with married men. They consider it a "safe" relationship with no strings attached. Married men know this and screw around constantly.

Remember, when it comes to women: Use, then discard.